Want to know what we've been up to? 

Date: 12/04/03
Tour cancelled due to extravagent bumming injuries
That's right, we regret to announce that we've all gotten groin-strain from a particularly energetic session of our favourite game, "make the sausage choclatey". Sadly, as we're all old and fat, we don't have the stamina we used to and have managed to rupture each other's arse linings. We're all obviously gutted about it: Well all apart from Ben who loves the pain and is demanding more cock-and-bum fun than ever.
Date: 01/04/03
Scary Accepts a fisting
Congratulations to Scary!  last night he coaxed his arse into accomodating all five fingers at once!  When asked about his experience he had this to say:  "Five fingers my arse! I won't be happy until I've got a man's head up there!"  he then proceded to wink lustily at Mikee whilst slapping his knob with a wet towel.  What a guy
Date: 23/03/03
Ben writes yet another song about being a tallentless fat ugly git!
When asked why he always writes songs about the same subject he said: "Well, I am aren't I? And anyway, thats the only thing I know about apart from bumming. "